What if brands were true to their names?

Some trade names tell you exactly what you’re getting: Bank of America, Famous Footwear, Pornhub. Others allude to it: Snapchat, OpenTable, Lids. Then there are those who raise questions. What is a Cigna? And why in 21st century America is there a store called Banana Republic, let alone one that sells polo shirts and turtleneck sweater dresses? Let’s imagine a better, simpler world where companies deliver their name. A world where you go to Jack in the Box for toys, Apple for fresh produce, and Equinox for… well, Equinox just wouldn’t exist.

Zoom: car rental office

Target: ax throwing bar

End of the Lands: cruise line

Starbucks: cryptocurrency

Sonic: music streaming service

Michael: men’s clothing store

At Wendy’s: women’s clothing store

Carl’s Jr.: children’s clothing store

McDonald’s: irish whiskey

White Castle: luxury hotel chain

Snickers: comedy club

Baby Ruth: adoption agency

Lululemon: sour candy

Bumblebee: accident insurance

Grindr: Coffee

Blue Moon: XXX entertainment store

Black&Decker: law office

Procter & Gamble: law office

Abercrombie & Fitch: law office

Johnson & Johnson: law office

Arm & Hammer: construction company

Rag&Bone: pet Shop

Uber: German-language television network

Soft: coffee nap

Zillow: online bedding retailer

American Eagle: wildlife conservation

Hot topic: celebrity news and gossip website

Guess: board game

Cosmopolitan: travel and leisure magazine

Atlantic: seafood restaurant

Mother Jones: orphanage

the new yorker: Souvenir shop

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